An expert says that parents who open up about pornography can help anxiety over sex and body dysmorphia overcoming behaviors
An expert says that parents who open up about pornography can help anxiety over sex and body dysmorphia overcoming behaviors
A psychotherapist says porn is giving kids performance anxiety over sex and body dysmorphia.
Deborah Vickerman a therapist in the UK says porn can change teenagers’ expectations of sex with themselves and their partners.
She says it can lead to performance anxiety and body dysmorphia and encourages parents to talk to their children about sex to “de-shame it.”
The mom-of-two talks openly about sex and porn in her household to her children and says it would be “great” if other parents did too.
Deborah helps those with compulsive sexual behaviors to overcome and manage their addiction by breaking down what is happening and work out what is bringing them pleasure.
She wants to change the stigma and judgment surrounding sex and porn addiction to stop people from thinking there is “something wrong with them”.
Deborah, a psychotherapist, from Leeds, West Yorkshire, said: “We talk about sex a lot.
“I don’t think my teenagers enjoy it.
“We’re curious about sex from an early age, so it’s important to talk about it de-shame it from the start.
“It would be great if parents could talk to their children about it.
“Children look at porn as educational.
“It changes their perception of themselves and partners and creates performance anxiety and body dysmorphia.
“It would be good if schools would have more of a conversation about porn.”
Deborah was a teacher for 18 years before retraining as a therapist after seeing the impact of porn and sex on people around her.
As a teacher she noticed the impact of phones and social media on children.
She said: “It was just awful.
“There was a lot of shaming – like slut-shaming.
“Young people are not being supported.”
Deborah says children can be exposed to porn from an early age and says it can cause problems if it’s not a conversation that has been opened up with them.
She said: “If we’re not talking about it, it can cause problems.
“We want to help keep them safe online and have appropriate conversations with them from a young age.
“We can develop the conversation more a more as they go through puberty.”
Deborah says compulsive sex disorders have been judged and shamed and make the individual feel there is something wrong with them.
She said: “It’s different to an addiction.
“We can live our lives without alcohol or gaming, but we can’t deny our sexual desires.
“If we’re denying sexual desires it creates internalized shame.”
The therapist receives emails from people saying they think they have an “issue” with porn on sex.
She looks at what is happening and their sexual history to help work what it is that brings them pleasure.
She works with them to manage their obsession.
Deborah said: “If it’s a porn obsession often it’s because they are bored or stressed.
“It’s not always for sexual release but to self-soothe.
“We find them other ways to self soothe.
“Let’s be conscious of our relationship with porn and sex.”
Deborah dislikes online assessments which access if you are a sex or porn addict.
She said: “They are judgmental from the start.
“They are tailored for men and don’t consider genders.
“I see more men coming in for help than women.
“I really wonder about how many women out there are struggling with the stigma as a barrier.”
Deborah encourages anyone struggling with the compulsion to reach out and says they should visit COSRT to find a therapist.
Produced in association with SWNS Talker
